Trying to be a square peg in a round hole

And so I began a new role as a recruitment consultant. It wasn't exactly what I had dreamed of - there I was back in an office, back to a 9 to 6 routine, day after day, with a boss. This was not the picture I had painted in my mind all those years ago where I was my own boss working from a colourful studio at the bottom of my garden, happy in my own world, creating art and writing, meeting the worlds great philosophers, artists, thinkers, observers, writers etc.

BUT I needed to earn a living, I had bills to pay and so I had decided to make the most of this need and turn it into an opportunity. An opportunity to learn.

There was plenty to observe and learn from in my new role as a recruitment consultant. New skills to learn, a powerful female CEO to see in action and of course I was getting to see another side of the career industry.

And having money to spend for the first time in years was incredibly exciting. I remember buying a nail varnish and getting that excited feeling of Christmas - I was shocked at how frugally I'd been living for so long, that this should feel like such a treat. Having cash to spend on luxuries like this, after so long going without, really gave me a new respect for money.

After the first few months however, when the novelty of the job started to wear off and the steep learning curve had subsided, the old feelings of restlessness came back. This wasn't my world, this wasn't where I belonged - desperately trying to smarten up my act and having to fake an interest in new shoes and the latest miracle moisturiser. And I mean no disrespect - I worked with some lovely people, but they just weren't my people. I longed to be back at home, working on Careershifters with my housemate in the next room in his music studio working on his album, or down at the market selling burritos and hanging out with the market crew where life moved slowly enough that we could observe and talk about it. The market was full of philosophers watching people go by and I loved that...

But I needed an income, not just to pay the bills but enough of an income so that I could afford to buy my own flat - this was my big ambition - and neither selling burritos nor Careershifters was going to offer me that kind of income any time soon. My job as a recruitment consultant could however, and I reminded myself to be grateful of that every day on my way into the office.

But then the recession came. I managed to keep hold of my job but my salary was cut and the work-load increased. It was tough, but in a way it was good to be going through the experiences that so many do when they come to us at Careershifters. However it also meant that with my salary cut and with all the mortgage lenders suddenly battoning down the hatches, my dream of being able to afford my own flat was out the window.

So I found myself in much the same position as most wannabe careershifters when they first come to the Careershifters site or workshops - knowing that my current career was not for me, but not knowing what it is I could do.

This time I promised myself that I wouldn't leave my job without having somewhere else to go.

So it was time to come up with a new plan, starting by reminding myself of what it was I wanted from my career. It was back to the drawing board...
Next post: Finding a vision for my new career