A Drifting Journey

Sometimes when I stop to think I wonder how I got here. By here I mean at age 26, back living with my parents and doing an OK but not very stimulating temporary job. Don’t they say that people spend more time planning their holiday than career? That doesn’t really surprise me. In my opinion, throughout school it’s all about achieving targets and standards than thinking about what who you are, what you’d really like to do and how to get there.
When I think to how I got to where I am now it’s an incredibly unplanned and – dare I say - ‘drifting’ journey. I disliked school because I wasn’t happy and confident, and that feeling continued through my late teens and to university. Between sixth form and university I had a ‘gap year’ of two years – the first year was spent cleaning a pub for two hours in the early morning. The second year was spent doing another evening cleaning job in the city shopping centre.
I can’t really say why it happened like this – I knew I wanted to go to university but didn’t know which course, and I was at my lowest point and full of inertia. I actually really didn't like myself.
The turning point was a shop job I got one summer before starting uni. I was still shy but being in a vibrant environment and a little interaction with staff and customers made me feel part of the world. Plus it’s hard to beat earning your own money and coming home from a good day’s work!
That year I went to university to study business, deciding against courses in creative writing and English Language and Literature. Main reasons for choosing this path: the college was near the sea. When I look back I wonder how I made these decisions!
Anyway, after uni I was debted up and wondering what to do next. At this point my dream job would be to work for an ethical and sustainable business and I wrote to a London-based fair trade company asking about internships and work experience. They said they would like to meet me and at the same time there was an opportunity to follow a close friend to live in London. So off I moved to London with only a vague idea about getting work experience for this company and funding it with a part-time job.
Turns out that moving to London without a job isn’t a great idea and I borrowed off close family for too long while I tried to find work. You’d think it wouldn’t be too hard to get a job in London – a fairly bright new graduate with customer service and office skills, and willing to consider any job at any pay. But although I was good at getting interviews, they bombed from then on due to me not being the loudest or most confident applicant of the bunch. Agencies were the worst. I applied for a specific job I was interested in and then got invited to interview at the other side of town where an efficient young lady would question me and get me to fill out forms. I never got a job that way and I know it’s how I came across at interview, despite being a good candidate.
I look back with kind of rose-tinted glasses at those days of looking for work and seeing off-beat bits of London but the reality was so disheartening. All this after the fair trade company said ‘thanks but no thanks’ after meeting me. I admit it was my first London interview, and I was a little unsure of the procedure; in hindsight I should have been more confident and forthcoming about the whole internship thing. But I still felt horrible and bitter about being rejected by this company I believed in, not to mention every other company I got an interview for!
So, after another wasted day trawling the net for jobs I found a company that was offering internships in a field I was interested in. I applied as I was desperate to feel useful and do something, and was surprised to be offered an internship, even after the interview where they questioned how they would deal with difficult people (I get that question a lot at interviews due to being unusually quiet. I actually like dealing with difficult customers and making my point because I have a strong sense of justice and when I feel I’m right I don’t doubt what I’m saying or doing). So then I began three months of working for free while I borrowed my rent…