Simon Luard's shiftlog

Ok.. Luardos is Live-O.Had my first day trading at Brick Lane about 4 weeks ago and have since traded at Greenwich Market on Saturdays and Brick Lane on Sundays. My first day: Sunday 22nd April.My first day was ridiculous. I had done a few practice runs cooking for friends and family and all had gone really well. I have a chargrill in my van which is basically a gas burner below some charcoals and a grill. It's like a bar-b-q. I didn't have an extractor fan fitted.Imagine having a bar-b-q in your kitchen.People were outside the van looking hungry... I got my marinated chicken and steaks and slapped them on the chargrill. It started getting a bit smokey. When they were cooked I took them off, sliced them up and put them in fresh quesadillas and tacos. They were delicious and people loved them... so I cooked some more. Everytime I put some meat on the chargrill flames would leap out fuelled by the oil and spices in the marinade. My eyes were streaming and the van was filling up with smoke. I heard orders coming in but couldn't see from where. "Who said that?". Some fella ran up to the van - "I think you're on fire mate! Want me to call the fire brigade?" More

Driving her is a bit like being in a small aircraft but much slower. If you shout, you can just about have a conversation with the person in the passenger seat. Earplugs are essential. Lorries went past me in a blur. I overtook a broken down vehicle and one that had crashed, that was it. Lots of people smiled and waved. Some swore at me. I got egged in Reading by children and screamed at in Marlow by drunk girls. None of this is the bad news (I consider most of it very good!). More

That's not a cry of anguish... i just cant remember what I've been doing for the last few weeks.Let me think.Jesus is running!! She sounds pretty good and seems in good order though I admit to knowing very little about old French vehicles - maybe she'll blow up tomorrow! The guy who fixed her has been quality.. fixing her up pretty cheap, giving advice on painting Jesu and generally being a good bloke. So I tried to insure her the other day... you need to do that before you register a foreign vehicle in the UK. I've never had my own policy and have a massive ugly blemish on my driving licence (young and foolish). First quote i got was for £2600 quid! No sympathy. Next one told me £1200. Nice. Shopped around a little more and am now insured fully comp for £800. Happy. More

Ok. Jesus has arrived!! It's really good to finally have her and she is looking in good nick for such an old dog (35 years old!). She's a bit sick though.My dad tried to start her the other day and the ignition got stuck and the engine kept turning over without actually starting. This went on until my dad disconnected the battery. I wasn't actually there.. apparently it sounded horrific.. like a large animal dying.The good news is that there's a lovely guy called Doug who fixes them and lives 10 minutes down the road! I went to see him today and he's gonna have a look at her this week. He also lent me a book and his wife showed me the H Van tattoo on her left butt cheek! Beautiful. More

I'll be brief. Jesus, my new van/friend (full name: Jesus H Van) is arriving at my house tomorrow. After about two months of complications and frustration she will be arriving on my doorstep at 8.30 tomorrow morning to be met by a wad of notes (plus maybe some fish and bread: "go on, do that trick again, I dare ya").  This is what she should look like:  More

Workwise I've been fairly busy. Got a couple of temp jobs through www.charitypeople.com. They're a really good agency who take you in for an interview first to check that you're alright and tend to google your name while you do a word processing and excel test. For most people this'd be alright.. if your name's Simon Luard, it's a bit more embarrassing. More

Quit my job in June 2006 cos I was pretty bored of it and could face another summer in the office. Started looking for a new one; signed up to loads of agencies, monster.co.uk, guardian jobs etc. No one would employ me though... More