Finding out what you really want: how getting naked helps

Are you unhappy in your current career, but you just don't know what you'd like to do instead?

If so I can relate to where you're coming from. I worked for over 10 years, first as a solicitor and then in various marketing roles in the voluntary sector, knowing that what I was doing wasn't really "me" but pretty clueless as to what would be. I did know I wanted to do something that "helped people," and I wanted to see some fairly immediate results.

I spent years struggling to translate these two criteria into an actual career path, wasting a lot of time pursuing routes that fit on the surface, but weren't actually a realistic match for my personality. The Red Cross delegate post for example, visiting prisoners of war in a "potentially dangerous environment." Looking back I realise it suited the sort of person I would have liked to have been, more than who I really was: I'm terrified of skiing, let alone unfriendly prison guards in even unfriendlier countries.

Finally I was desperate enough (!) to hire a coach. Ironically coaching itself had been suggested to me as a potential career path years before. I soon realised that becoming a coach myself was in fact a much better fit - and that if I'd dug more deeply when my career doubts had first made their appearance I could have saved myself a lot of heartache.

To spare you some of this heartache, I've compiled a list of thought provokers to help you uncover what it is you'd really love to do - or perhaps fully realise what you've actually known all along.

5 Tips for Discovering What You Really Want

1. Banish those "shoulds"!

"My dad worked hard to build up the family business so I should carry it on"...I did Languages so I should do something that uses them"

The "should" is often followed by the killer clincher "it would be crazy"..."I've spent 15 years in HR so I should build on my area of expertise...it would be crazy to give up my salary/job security/promotion prospects" (delete as applicable)

2. Let go of the "ideal" you

Do you have a glamourised picture of what you want to be doing? (your Red Cross delegate equivalent). What is it about that picture that appeals to you? Listen carefully for anything that smacks of ego. Ask yourself, if no-one knew I did this, if no-one thanked me for it, if I didn't get paid even - would I still love doing it?

3. Get to the naked truth

Make a list of everything you truly love doing, or talking or thinking about. You need to be ruthlessly honest. We want the naked, pure, unvarnished you! Don't worry if some things look trivial or you can't see how they would relate to a job or income stream. Not everything you love to do needs to be reflected in your work life, but you'd be surprised at how you might get them in with a little creativity. It also doesn't matter if it's a very short list. Here was mine:

• Coffee
• Old films
• The MBTI (a personality assessment tool). .. after a few drinks down the pub, no-one escaped unanalysed
• Reading autobiographies
• Talking about what friends were up to in their lives

Not very promising you might think. But actually, it made me appreciate that what people do with their lives, and why they are how they are, was my key interest. This short list - more than any coaching session, self-help book, workshop or seminar - put me on my right path.

4. Pay attention to jealousy

I've written about this before, but it bears repeating. When your sister-in-law/neighbour/cousin once removed starts up their property business and you feel that curdling niggle in your stomach - take note. Jealously is a great clue to what we'd like for ourselves and it's a master at uncovering buried dreams. I hadn't written anything for pleasure since my teens so writing didn't even make it to my naked list. But when I found out a friend had had a magazine article accepted my gut told me this was something I wanted too. And because I now write from cafes near to my home I've found a way to incorporate coffee too.

5. Don't discount embers

If you've done all the above and failed to come up with anything you feel passionately about, don't worry - you're in good company. Take the pressure off yourself and just think about things you have a mild interest in finding out more about. This mild interest is the equivalent to the gently burning coals of a fire. There's a flame there, but you need to apply some oxygen - in other words, your attention. Spend more time exploring your interest and chances are it will catch alight.