But after having kids, losing the ability to take on the world is accompanied with a very specific type of amnesia that makes us forget who we once were. Was that me? Didn't I used to be that thrusting marketing manager with advertising executives eating out of my hand? Wasn't that me presenting the long-term benefits of Corporate Bank's personal pension plan? It sounds like a million years ago doesn't it?
From the career workshops I run to help get women back to work, it is clear that many of my clients divide their lives into "BC" and "AC" - before children with a job or career and after children with bringing up the kids and continuous domestic chores. The AC world can be glorious and as challenging as any previous career but, immersed in family life, many of my clients have forgotten their "BC" persona and this has reduced confidence levels further.
To help bridge the gap between BC and AC and reacquaint ourselves with who we really are, it may help to know that confident people aren't born, they are made. It is a skill that can be acquired and learned, says the Women Returners Network (http://www.women-returners.co.uk/). If we understand that confidence helps us speak up for ourselves, cope with stress, increases self belief and makes challenge seem less daunting, even fun, then it's a pretty good skill to have - not only at work but in the family too.
If this has resonance, here are some confidence-boosting exercises that should set you on the way to improving self-esteem and take away the fear.
Remember an occasion when you were "at your best" and felt you were firing on all cylinders. It might be work-related or centred around the family. How would you have looked to the fly on the wall? Happy, confident, in control? Make a list. What resources were you using: persuading skills, the ability to bring people together, for example? Recall how it felt to be in full flow and absorb that feeling.
Be positive. Find ways to say ‘I can' and not ‘I can't'. Make a list of things you would like to do but feel you can't because of circumstances or lack of confidence. Revisit these things and turn them into I can statements. For example: change ‘I can't go back to work because of the school holidays' to ‘I can go back to work if I find the right childcare'. Make a note of how you would feel if your life changed in this way.
Make a list of the skills you use daily. Read persuading a toddler to eat its tea as negotiating skills, organising a birthday party as events organising etc. Many of the skills you use are transferable to the work place and will include organisational skills, problem solving, interpersonal and creative skills.
Say no, now and then. It's good self-management and enables you to exercise control over your life.
- Believe in yourself and look great!
Ends copy Helen Slingsby October 2007Helen is a career coach who set up Career Breakthrough to help people try to figure out what to do with the rest of their working life. Part of her time is spent helping women return to work and enable them to combine work and family life. She does this through workshops and one-to one sessions.
Helen is a former business journalist and career changer who took time out to look after her two sons (now 7 and 9) and studied part-time to gain an MSc in Career Management and Counselling at Birkbeck College, London University. She is also an accredited user of the career self assessment manual created by careers guru Robert Nathan of Career Counselling Services. She sees a wide range of clients from business, education, media and sport. She can be contacted on 0118 984 4962 or via http://www.careerbreakthrough.co.uk/
