Getting through the panic and anxiety

I'm lost, totally adrift, scared, stuck, wanting someone to carry me away to safety and certainty and sort this whole thing out for me. But the hideous realisation is the only one that's going to make that happen is me.

I'm on my own in this. Responsibility is all mine.

This is not a comfortable space to be in.

To make matters worse I seem to be chucking all my toys out of the pram. I'm not comfortable with anyone and I'm pushing my relationship to death. This is the dark side of a career leap into the unknown. Panic has got me, resentment of not knowing what's going to happen next. I'm blaming those closest to me for this sudden state of doubt and anxiety. Pretending like it's all fine when actually the truth is, in most areas of my life at the moment, I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm just trying to survive it all the best I can.

Time to take a step back and get clear on a plan to move forward, at the moment I'm spinning around, giving up on everything, feeling helpless and hopeless and trying to conceal this shameful weakness of character from everyone.

First things first, deal with the helpless and hopeless issue. Well, I know myself well enough to know that just admitting it to someone releases a lot of the tension.

So downstairs I go in search of someone. My Dad is sitting at his laptop. I hook his attention by rustling a bunch of fake flowers over his screen. He looks up.

Dad, there are some areas of my life at the moment where I'm pretending like I know what I'm doing but actually I haven't got a clue.

There, I've said it. He looks at me with mock astonishment.

Well I must say that comes as a huge surprise Selina

Funny guy.

Actually I love that. I think I'm fooling everyone with my breezy confidence only to discover that they can see right through me, they know exactly what's really going on with me. And it's a strange relief to realise that I can't actually fool anyone that's known me for more than half a minute.

I feel better already. As I leave the room the old man says.

How about we go for a drink at lunch time and talk about it?

And you know, that's a brilliant idea. My dad gives the best advice. My friends call him up for it, but I never do. And this is exactly what I need. It's time to review where I'm at. Time to take a look at what I have, what I want and what's available to me at the moment. And I can think of no better person to do it with than my Dad - the grand master of common sense.

The ball is moving forward again - just shows what a little open self-expression can do...