I used to be like this. I used to never have the ‘right boss'. They were always unfair or not seeing my potential. And then I came across an article on ‘upwards management' that discussed how many of us expect our bosses to be mind readers and don't realise that we are as responsible in managing the relationship. So I went from ‘victim' mode to ‘what can I do about this situation now mode' overnight - and my relationship with my boss (and subsequent bosses) changed quite dramatically.
If you find yourself in a situation that you are not happy in, yes, it might be that changing your career might be the right step as well, but whilst you are figuring out what that great career might be, have a think through what you can already do today. Because even if you find ‘the perfect job', one thing will follow you to it that could make it not so perfect - you. I've seen this in several new clients recently. People who have landed what they thought was their dream job who are still unhappy. And it's not the job, it's them, that we have to work on.
What are some of the unhelpful ‘attitudes' we drag along with us? I'm sure there are many more, but here are ones that I've come across (and partly recognise having had myself at one point in time as well):
- The management doesn't ‘get it'
- Nobody wants to change things around here - it is what it is (or ‘I'm the crusader')
- There's so much potential, why don't ‘they' do anything about it
- This place is lacking vision
- I can't do my job until ‘they' get themselves sorted
Sound familiar? If yes , these are all issues that you CAN do something about. Granted, sometimes the situation is really dire, but I'd venture a guess (and this is from now getting to work with top management as well) that there is far more scope for all of us to DO something and stop blaming the elusive ‘them'.
So what can you do? Well, first of all you need to become aware of what are all the attitudes that you carry with you. List these out (the list above might provide a good starting point). Then, next to each one, brainstorm all the ideas you have of how you could change the situation (and I mean all - don't censor any for any reason yet). Then decide what is the situation that you most want to change.
A client of mine recently decided that he was going to define who/what were all the people/things that he was thinking prevented him from doing his job properly, and then he went on to tackle this list. For the people, he scheduled meetings and had conversations with them to find out how they saw the work that they were supposed to be collaborating on. He didn't take a blaming attitude (as is often the case), he went to these conversations from a ‘let me find out how the other side sees it so we can come up with some solutions'. What did he find? That most people saw him as a bottleneck! Thus through having these conversations both parties were able to build a better foundation for their work together.
So whilst career change might still be the right thing for you - what can you do today to make your current job more bearable in the meantime?
By Selina Barker
This made me think instantly of a situation I had with a boss at a previous job. He was prone to flying into an angry ranting rage and anyone in the firing line was totally disarmed by it, stood there like a startled rabbit - including his partner in the business. A number of times I thought 'that's it, I'm quitting - I can't take this anymore'. Then one day the two of us were sitting together, very relaxed, taking a break from work and I brought the subject up - I hadn't planned to. I said that he was one of the kindest most compassionate people I knew and then sometimes he would behave like such a sh*t. It was said in a very light-hearted way, certainly it wasn't an attack, just very frank. I said I found it impossible when he got into one of his rages. I just asked him straight out what made him get so angry. He said it was when he knew people weren't listening to him.
'Well guess what? when you go into a rage, I don't listen, I see red and want to slam your head against the desk'. 'Right, he said, well when i start shouting, say that. Say 'i'm not listening to you right now, I can't when you're shouting like this''.
Next time we had a meeting I listened, didn't butt in, waited until he was finished before I asked a question or made a suggestion and it was an amazingly peaceful and productive meeting.
The key was to treat him like a human being. Just because he was my 'boss' didn't mean he was not allowed to have his own hangups and personality challenges. Create partnership with difficult colleagues and bosses, support the people managing you to do their job and things can turn around on their head. It's not about accepting a person's difficult attitude it's about taking responsibility for a situation that doesn't work.