Things don't always go to plan

After meeting Tim, my new boss, it became clear that I wasn’t clear enough about my work limits, despite it being the first thing I raised with him. He has sent me stuff for a Saturday in Kent in February, for training at 1-5pm and asks if I can do evening and weekend work.

It is hard for me to say ‘no’, but I have to. I’ve got to be back by 5.30pm to pick my toddler up from the childminder which means leaving work at 3.30pm. Matthew will drop her there in the morning, and I will leave for work at 6am (eeek) so I can still do a full working day and be back in time.

Of course, I could just say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to each individual project he offers me, but I really want to be in a position to say ‘yes’ and at the moment I seem to have to say ‘no’, so it would be better if he understood my position. I steeled myself to call him and clarify. I could do weekends with plenty of notice, but my weekday time was limited to when I had childcare. While I was theoretically happy to travel, London or somewhere West was possible, not Kent, or I’d spend all day travelling for half an hour work.

Tim is a genuinely nice guy, and does want to make this work and he said ‘yes, yes’ and immediately said there were things in the west that he wanted me to do. Unfortunately it turned out to be Wigan (four hours travel each way) and Poole (three hours). I was thinking more of Oxford, Birmingham or West London (I live in Bucks). He did suggest taking my daughter to Wigan with me, finding childcare up there and staying overnight. I said ‘no’ because she sleeps very badly in an unfamiliar place and I don’t want to leave her with a random childcarer that neither she nor I know.

I think by the end of the conversation he got the picture. We’ll see. He still asked if I could write a proposal the week I was moving house. I spent an hour writing a short outline and sent it on moving day itself. I think I must be bonkers!

But, like Tim, my philosophy of work has always been to be flexible. Now, with my responsibility to a person who is so completely dependent on me, my life has had to change somewhat. Nothing could be worse than letting let down, not picking her up when she is expecting me, or prioritising other people’s needs over hers.

Life is a balance, her needs and mine, and it is reasonable that she learn that too. But it is also reasonable that at the age of 15 months she also comes top of the list, that when I am not around, she is looked after by someone that I trust and that she and I have time together still, to be just us, mother and child, without interference from work.