Riding the Emotional Rollercoaster

Its been a couple of weeks since I last wrote. This is the rollercoaster I've been on since then...

Up Hooray, a job. How exciting. And just the sort of thing I wanted to do.

Going down Oh, I must be a fraud. This job is just what I used to do. I am not really careershifting at all. What will the people on the site think?

Down Down Down Oh no, doing this CV has taken me a week, as I try to fit it in when my baby naps. I must be stupid to think I can do a job as well as everything else when I can't even do this quickly.

Up again Ah, perhaps I am not a fraud after all. I my not have changed my profession, but I am dramatically changing what I do every day. And anyway, who cares. I hope the blog will be useful to people. And no-one seems to be judging me. Actually they are all rather encouraging. Perhaps I will just chill out.

Down Oh my God, how could I possibly think of leaving my child for such long periods of time. Will she be OK without me. Am I making a mistake.

Going Up Actually, it will be a change for both of us, but I think I am freaking about it more than she will! She always enjoys it when she has time at the creche while I swim. She is very sociable and being at home with me is so boring for her, as well as for me. It is only two days a week, and I think it may also enliven our relationship.

Also, I am very tired this week because Matthew is ill, which always makes me feel worse and is giving me a false idea of how busy things will normally be. And I'm not going to be working at the same moment as looking after Rosa - I am going to pay someone else to do that.

Up up up Well, I dressed in my smart clothes and went to meet my new employer. I feel alive again. Matthew says it is nice to see me again, as if the true me has been away for a while. I feel great about the work, the team, the salary.

On a level Still nervous about childcare, about which I have done nothing. Well, almost nothing. I have agreed with Matthew and my new boss that I will work early to early on the two days that I do, and that Matthew will drop off the baby and I will pick her up. That means I can still feed her, spend some quality time, bath and put her to bed every evening.

And I am already getting emails about work (though we have agreed that I will start at the end of Jan after moving house) which mean that I can perhaps do a bit over the Christmas period and get Time Off in Lieu (TOIL) later on.

I am feeling calmer. Matthew is feeling better so we are getting on with sorting Christmas (at last!) and I'm going to look up childminders today, and try and visit early in the new year, possibly at the same time as we visit our new home to plan the final bits of the move.

Merry Christmas everyone.