What we do for a living is such a big part of our lives that if work isn't going well, our career-related unhappiness often spills over into other parts of our lives.
Our relationships suffer because we moan all the time
Our finances suffer because we keep making extravagant purchases to cheer ourselves up.
And our life balance suffers because our long work hours have killed off all our hobbies. (Or, we're totally EXHAUSTED from throwing every spare hour into our hobbies to make up for our horrible work life).
So then we're in such a miserable place that gaining any kind of career clarity or forward movement feels like tru-dg-ing through treacle. We're simply not in a frame of mind to think creatively or positively.
Your best ally
The best thing you can do in a treacle-trudging situation is take the pressure off. Forget about figuring out the perfect career that will bring you happiness at some future date and focus instead on getting happy now.
"most people think of happiness as a desirable outcome...the emotional paycheck for effort and achievement...Research paints a very different picture...happiness is actually beneficial in and of itself, and acts as important psychological capital ..a means to a valued end rather than a goal in itself" reminds positive psychologist Robert Biswas-Diener.
We all too often fall for the "if...then" trap. If I had a different job/better pay/a successful business/my novel published then I would be happy.
What positive psychology research has found is that - ironically - getting happy first actually increases the likelihood of you reaching the goals you have set to make yourself happy.
So how to get happy?!
Here are a few things that work for me. Many of these ideas are backed up by research:
1. Surround yourself with positive, like-minded people
Close your ears to negative comments from people who don't share your values or interests and seek out new and supportive circles: join a film club, debating society, hiking group, writing circle, or volunteer for a cause or enrol in a course that interests you.
Broadening your social circle is the best way to move past rigid and unhelpful ways of thinking and fully embrace the freeing notion that there is no one way of experiencing life.
2. Start new hobbies (or reintroduce old ones)
Linked to point 1. Don't worry too much about whether and how this new hobby is something you want to earn a living from. The key is to reconnect with activities that give you pleasure. You will gain new skills and fresh perspectives, and expand your sense of who you are. All of these things will make a change in direction (whatever that turns out to be) easier down the line.
3. Create or seek out uplifting environments
Dedicate a small area of your home to your career plans and make it somewhere you love to be. You don't need a whole room - a desk in the corner of your living room is plenty. Keep the space free of clutter, add a vase of fresh flowers, place photos of family or friends around, or whatever makes you feel relaxed and positive.
Our brains also respond well to a change of scene so think about places outside of your home you could escape to for some career pondering. I'm writing this from Grandma's Kitchen, my favourite cafe tucked down a small hutong (alleyway) a couple of minutes by bike from where I live. I'm sitting in their covered verandah with a couple of snoozing cats for company and a view of pomegranate trees, lavender, roses and trailing vines. Whenever I'm feeling a little out of sorts, the place never fails to work its magic.
4. Be kind to yourself
Be conscious of how often you berate yourself for not having figured out your life yet or being less talented/well-off/successful/informed than friends, colleagues, neighbours or world experts.
Instead of haranguing yourself, substitute a kinder, more motivating message. It often helps to imagine you are talking to someone else (we're never as hard on other people as we are on ourselves!).
For example, instead of
"Because I haven't read every book ever published on earthworm reproduction I am not qualified to lecture/write a best-seller/hold workshops/impart any knowledge whatsoever on this topic"
Substitute
"The short course I took "The Life Cycle of the Humble Earthworm" means I have a degree of understanding that novice earthworm enthusiasts will gladly pay to tap into"
*TIP for wannabe workshop holders, whatever the topic: use a "coach approach" to draw out participants' existing knowledge and experience. People don't just want to hear the "expert." They want an opportunity to reflect more deeply on their own understanding and learn from fellow attendees, and they appreciate being able to do this in a structured environment like a workshop. Knowing it doesn't all have to come from you lessens the pressure!
5. Give yourself time out
If it's been a while since you truly enjoyed your work or other important aspects of your life, give yourself a break - literally.
Decide on a window of time (one, two or six months even) when you aren't going to worry about the future. Allow yourself simply to get back in touch NOW with what makes you happy.
Experiment, treat yourself gently, and don't take anything too seriously. When you're happier, the mists will lift and you'll see so much more clearly the shape of your new career and the path you need to take to get there.
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