Here’s a question….when you think about your career so far, do you look ahead or behind you? One of the things that really can weigh people down is regretting their choices. This is particularly true of those in their late 30’s and over, though I’ve seen it in those even as young as 20! Wishing that they had chosen better or differently, had committed to a path earlier on, had chosen rightly at university, had acted instead of procrastinated, had taken risks, or control, had established themselves in something they’d love doing.
It’s not an uncommon lament to feel the weight of a colossal “If only…
Knowing that you might have made a brilliant doctor, or dancer or designer or any number of other things can feel like a debilitating regret - particularly when you’re in a job that doesn’t exactly push your potential, or when you are surrounded by people who seem annoyingly happy in theirs. And there can come a point when it can all just feel a little too late. There’s a dose of reality in that, as some professions, really do feel out of reach beyond a certain point – though that’s not to say it’s impossible. Often they can simply be beyond what we are prepared to do to have them – starting at the bottom, not earning enough, being an intern etc.
So far so commonplace. The interesting bit comes with how we deal with it. Make no mistake regret can be hugely destructive. It takes up such a huge amount of energy and is so unconstructive that it cuts us off completely from the MANY things we may turn to NOW. It literally saps you dry, plays havoc with your confidence and turns your mind into the equivalent of a hamster wheel going in reverse, cementing you deeper and deeper into an existence you don’t want.
But if you u-turn your thoughts from what could have been to what can now be – the world opens up. It may not quite feel like your oyster – but a little grit (pun intended!) and determination can be transformational. DECIDING to focus on the future (or ideally the here and now) shifts your internal gears from regret to reinvention. Watch what happens when all the energy you’ve been pouring into blaming yourself (or other people) for your past suddenly has a new trail to blaze…!
Career coach Sonia Lakshman specializes in helping people create the work they really enjoy – read more about her transformational career programmes at at www.onesmartstep.co.uk. A serial inquisitor into the unwieldy world of work she also writes the career blog - The Workologist.
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